6.30 - 8.15pm, Tuesday 3rd July 2018
Interested in Adoption? Come to our Information Evening in St Pauls, Bristol and meet adopters and our adoption team. Read more
We always thought that we’d like to have kids at some point in the future, but it wasn’t until a few years after we had our civil partnership that we actually considered options. That would have been around 2013. As a gay male couple our starting point was either surrogacy or adoption. We went to an event in London on surrogacy, and we left feeling like it wasn’t right for us – it felt too complicated and expensive, particularly when there are lots of children out there in need of a good home. So, we decided to start looking into adoption. Read more
Some four years ago Susan and I sat in our car just outside a hospital and cried. We had just met, for the last time, with our consultant who had confirmed the news to us that our chances of conceiving were slim at very best. The reality of this for Susan was immediate, the pain very obvious. In true bloke fashion I postponed, or, probably more rightly, denied the pain. I recall vividly my mind turning to what next? A life of tropical beach holidays, of luxurious weekend city breaks, low handicap golf, fast cars and champagne?! For those who want to be a family the truth is none of these things – lovely as they are – hit the mark.
When we first started looking into adoption we weren’t even sure whether we really wanted to adopt or not. In fact having known a few people who had done so, and seen the reality of what’s involved I had been put off! Nevertheless, we decided to start making some enquiries on the basis that we could pull out at any stage. We never did and we are now the proud parents of an amazing little boy!
Our Adoption Day was a strange day – a day of two halves really. I personally found the morning quite stressful as we needed to get to court for 10:00 am which meant a fairly early start. What with getting the children ready, parceling up presents for our social workers, remembering the camera, marshalling my parenting, finding a car parking space and then finding the court building things felt a bit strained. None of this was difficult but we were feeling anxious about being in such formal surroundings and we also had to manage the children’s feelings and emotions and were on red alert as to how they might be.
Unfortunately the Judge was delayed by almost an hour so the children had really begun to implode by then but thankfully she was very nice with them and put them at ease when she did meet them. Afterwards, the children said goodbye to their Social Worker which was a very emotional moment as she had worked with them for nearly three years and they had got very close to her – and her to them.
Once the formal elements were over, we felt more able to relax. We had a coffee (adults) and hot chocolate (children) before heading away from the city as we felt the children would relax in more familiar surroundings. We then had a celebratory pizza lunch with my parents before heading home, getting into old clothes and going for a muddy walk with the dog. Afterwards, the children played in a mud pile in our garden as we were having some landscaping work done – a very rural celebratory day! Once the children were showered we lit our log fire and some scented candles, had an early tea and opened special presents from us to the children and some heirlooms that my parents had given the children. All the children felt that we had had a special day and our youngest daughter gazed at me over the candles at supper in a very serene way (not a normal trait!) and said that she really appreciated the presents and the lovely day we had all shared.
13 years ago we decided to pursue adoption as a means of fulfilling our desire to become parents, it would be fair to say that our lives have now changed beyond all recognition. We are now a family – our house is noisy, busy, happy, our children special – precious. It is without doubt the best and most fulfilling decision we have ever made – to date we have adopted 3 children.
It seems to be the adoption worlds best kept secret but there are a quite a few families that have both birth children and adopted children and whilst it adds an extra dimension to the process it is definitely a viable option.
So our family comprises myself Lena and my husband Stephen and we have been married for 22 years and our three children Freddie, Sam and Oscar. Freddie is now, 14, Sam is almost 13 they are our birth children and there is just 18 months between them and then there is Oscar aged 6 who was placed with us when he was 18 months old.
We started the process of trying to adopt when Sam and Freddie were aged 5 and 6 years old having met with several stumbling blocks and long delays in our local authority we came across CCS adoption on the Internet. We loved CCS adoption’s no nonsense approach and the friendly atmosphere that this organisation had. We were thrilled when they accepted us into the formal adoption process. The process wasn’t easy but the training was excellent and we felt supported throughout. We are a Christian family and Church was very important to us and we felt that CCS understood our faith and saw it as a positive part of our lives which was not part of our previous experience.